Thursday, July 24, 2008

Cats

I don't like cats very much. I never have, and I probably never will. No offense to anyone who has one and loves it to death.

Cats are very sneaky creatures. Most people decide they love cats when they get them as kittens. As the kitten bats yarn and does pretty much what a cat is "supposed" to do, you hear all the "Ahhh"s. As the cat grows up, people decide that their cat isn't quite as fun as when it was little. If they spoiled the cat from a young age, they now wake up with claw marks all over themselves just because the cat wanted to go out. The cat is already starting to own the master. Cats know how to make up for thoroughly scratching their pets, however. With a purr and a curving tail, they'll soon take your heart once more. We won't talk about the scars left over from that eventful night, however. Cats eventually get you so tuned in to their schedule that they will have you up before the crack of dawn to get them breakfast if they so desire. Why is it, however, that the human pet gets more and more attached to their master in the shape of a lump of purring fur? Is it the fact that their master sits on the their lap as they read a book, pawing at every page as they turn it? Or is it the fact that the human pet likes allergies? I never will figure it out. As a cat eventually gets old and worn out, the human now starts feeling a pang for when their evil, sneaking master might die. They do everything to comfort it, from helping it onto cushions to sleep at night to buying and blending special cat food for their bedraggled cat that no longer has any teeth. And then it dies. Oh, what a sorrowful day! Pictures of their lost master are hung everywhere to remind them of their days in bondage. A special plot of land is bought to bury their furry "friend" in, and the vet sends a sympathy card. After several years, they finally get over it. Then they repeat the same mistake - for the third time in fact - and fall for that cute little kitten with the blue eyes.


As you can see, I don't really like cats, and in my opinion, cats are good for nothing much more than catching mice. There is one cat, however, that even I like. He doesn't shed, and he doesn't leave you with a runny nose, eyes watering, and sneezing. The Pink Panther. Cool, calm, and collected, he takes care of himself. He solves his own problems, never bothering you to let him out.







Now, that is my idea of a cat.

19 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ha! Ha! The pink panther is hilarious! I think I agree with you about cats. :-)

Great Googly Moogly! said...

I really wish you wouldn't hold back, Ab. I mean...come on! Tell us how you REALLY feel.

Between cats and "Canon"--which do you like more? And don't say you'd like to shoot a cat out of a canon!

Great Googly Moogly! said...

p.s. Now I know why Sam avoids you like the plague! :-)

Abbey said...

Hey, remember that this is my soap box. Means I can decide what I don't like and tell everyone. You don't have to read it. Hopefully I didn't hurt Sam's feelings, though. :)

Man, you stole what I was going to say about cats and canons...
Tough question. I hate them in different ways. Canon gets way over used and is extremely boring. Same with cats. Guess cats are a little worse for the allergies, though. However, I'm starting to wonder if I might be allergic to canon. A cat doesn't last as long as canon because canon keeps getting resurrected for who knows what reason. But I suppose cats, on the other hand, have nine lives. If I really had to decide, I guess I would say I like canon better for the allergy reason. Close call though. One of these days when a bride requests canon, I may just give her a cat. About equal, right?

Abbey said...

"p.s. Now I know why Sam avoids you like the plague! :-)"

Seriously, I really don't try to torture them or anything. Some cats run straight for me and start shedding all over me, and some cats get one glance at me and run (for a good reason!). I never can tell which way it will be, and I'll never be able to predict it.

Steven said...

Amen. Good post.
I would have to say that all cats are pretty much evil. I woke up one morning and my sister's cat was sitting outside my window staring at me. It had a piece of scratch paper with some sort of plan scribbled down on it, but once it saw me look over, it quickly ate the plan. Something about cats is just scary.
It could be the way they use your leg as a clawing post, or perhaps it's how they suddenly attack you while you are petting them. Either way, I like cats the same way my Dad does... Barbecued.

jeleasure said...

I found your blog via Russ' promotion.
My mother has five 'evil little masters'.
I went to visit and was in the house fifteen minutes before having to go to the emergency room. I had an elergic reaction when some hair or something from one of them got into my eye. Did you ever see an eyeball develope a bubble?
I do like all animals, I think. And yes, these things can be very nasty, without warning.

Jeff said...

Abbey,

First of all, I thought you liked cats, because of that photo of that cat hanging from a doorknob.

Second of all, YES!!! You don't like cats!! Alright!!!

In my opinion, cats exist to give dogs running exercise.

I have B&W versions of those first 3 cartoons in a book I've had for many years, called, "The Second Official I Hate Cats Book," by Skip Morrow.

Cool that you have 2 full cartoon videos of the Pink Panther. Even though he's pink, he is a panther, not a housecat, which is cool. I like tigers, lions, black panthers, leopards, and jaguars. They're cool.

It's amazing that the Pink Panther became so popular, even though no words were spoken (except very rarely, by others) in the cartoon, similar to Spy vs. Spy (and that big-nosed guy reminds me a little of the characters in Spy vs. Spy).

I couldn't help also watch the "Mexican Superman" video that you can click on at the end of the first Pink Panther video.

With all the animal photos you have on your page, I can see you are an animal lover.

I like animals too. Just not cats.

Cats come through my yard quite often. I've sprinkled Cayenne Pepper around the yard, which seems to help somewhat. Sometimes I also use my blowgun, but not the metal darts; just the plastic stun darts. I haven't hit one yet, though. I think, subconsciously, I don't really want to hurt them; just scare them away.

I mention past problems with cats on my Puppet Head blog site.

Abbey said...

"My mother has five 'evil little masters'.
I went to visit and was in the house fifteen minutes before having to go to the emergency room. I had an elergic reaction when some hair or something from one of them got into my eye. Did you ever see an eyeball develope a bubble?"

Sounds nasty. Don't think I've ever had that bad of an allergic reaction, but still, I keep my distance. But wait. FIVE of them? Sounds scary. Thanks for the comment.

Abbey said...

"First of all, I thought you liked cats, because of that photo of that cat hanging from a doorknob."

Well, someone gave me that one, so I have to display it. :P JK Actually, it's kind of a crazy cat, and, besides the pink panther, it's about the only cat I like.

I was going to post which comic that was, but I forgot, so thanks for putting up.

I don't care much for pink myself, but makes the panther have even more personality.

Yup, I like animals a lot, though I try very, very hard not to be the typical blond, doesn't-have-an-ounce-of-sense biology major that is an animal fanatic and chews people out for coming within 100 feet of a bird. :P I've kept (or tried to keep) every creepy crawly in Colorado. I used to beg my mom and dad not to take the spiders out of room because I was afraid they would freeze outside. Now I have a little more sense (I hope), but I still have this special place in my heart for them. :P I kept a cricket alive in a cage for a little more than a year once, and I've kept numerous caterpillars until they've turned into moths. But then I moved on to gerbils which are a little bit more of an acceptable pet. lol

That's really funny about the Cayenne pepper. I've never thought of that. :)

I'll check out the link.

Thanks for the comment.

Dr. Russell Norman Murray said...

Hulu

Sorry, currently our video library can only be streamed from within the United States.


I cannot view the video, but as far as cats go, I find them to be amusing little 'devils'.

Jeff said...

Abbey,

I used to beg my mom and dad not to take the spiders out of room because I was afraid they would freeze outside.

Well, I tell you what. You can come to my house and gather up all the black widows and brown widows you want, and take all the many other multiple types of spiders that hang out around here. My mom lives only 45 minutes away, and she has spiders the size of your hand that come inside her house, so you can go and gather up a bunch of those as well, to your heart's content.

When I lived in Miami, we only had tiny spiders, no bigger than your fingernail. When I moved to Central Florida, I suddenly got arachnophobia, because I found that many of the spiders are big enough to wrestle. When you check out that link on Puppet Head, make sure to also read my articles entitled "Lightning strikes and Kung Fu Spiders" and "Eight-Legged Freak House."

Jeff said...

Even though there are way, way too many spiders in my yard (and sometimes in my house), spiders are just one of the many creatures that are an example of what an amazing artist God is. They demonstrate God's variation and God's creativity. Also, the geometric designs in the external markings of animals and insects are just remarkable, and to me, are a good argument AGAINST (atheistic) Darwinian Evolution, and FOR a Creator. We have a lot of orb weavers around here, and orb weavers are cool, because, even though they are big, they usually build webs in out-of-the-way places, and they keep to themselves and stay in their webs. Notice the beauty of this one, especially the geometric design on it's white head that looks like a star or a snowflake: Golden Orb Weaver

Jeff said...

If anyone is wondering how big an Orb Weaver spider is, here is one compared to the human hand: Holding a Golden Orb Weaver spider

These are the types of spiders that my mom has in her house, and that used to be all over the place inside the Soo Bahk Do karate school that I used to go to (the instructor had Buddhist beliefs, and didn't believe in killing insects): Huntsman Spider

This is the size of a Huntsman spider compared to an adult human hand: Holding a Huntsman spider

Jeff said...

Sorry, Abbey, your article was about cats, not spiders, so I got off track. Let me fix that by posting a link here to a cute little kitten that you would love:
CAT

Or his big brother:
Bigger Cat

I think people should keep their cats on a leash:
Cat on leash

Abbey said...

"When I lived in Miami, we only had tiny spiders, no bigger than your fingernail. When I moved to Central Florida, I suddenly got arachnophobia, because I found that many of the spiders are big enough to wrestle."

LOL - I don't blame you. Here, the biggest spider we probably have is a full-grown wolf spider. They're tiny in comparison to yours. We have our share of black widows, though, so I probably won't come and get any of those. Also, we probably don't have nearly as many bugs because our breeding season is so much shorter and because it gets so cold during the winter. Thanks for all the spider pictures. It'll help expand my spider identifying knowledge. :P

Those cat pictures are great. :)

Still trying to check out your website... I meant to yesterday, but then I got busy with my dad getting hurt and all. Someday I'll get to it. :)

Jeff said...

I have been downing cats, and I'm basically a dog person. But 2 days ago, the rat terrier behind me dug a hole under the fence and, standing in the middle of my yard, started barking at me. The nerve. Plus, she dug a long trench in my yard, apparently trying to dig up moles that I have in my yard. Well, I opened the neighbor's gate and let the dog back into her own yard, and I blocked the hole with large rocks. I also talked to my neighbors (the owners) about it, and they are very nice. But their rat terrier is a 24 hour barking machine, and has killed 2 squirrels already. If a squirrel is in a tree (and we have many squirrels here), that dog will stand at the base of the tree and bark all night. And now they even got a second dog---a puppy rat terrier. A new generation of barking machine to take over when this one gets too old to bark. Just great.

Jeff said...

What happened to your dad?


When I used to live in an apartment, about 20 minutes from here, there was a cat on the wall, facing the other way, with his tail hanging over on my side. I couldn't resist. I snuck up on him, and gave that tail a mighty pull. That cat ran so fast, he never knew what happened.

Now, my neighbor did have one cat name 'Garfield' who was the sweetest cat I have ever met. That cat would never bite or scratch you. I used to pet him all the time, and he was a great cat.

Jeff said...

What happened to your dad?

Oh, never mind. I'm reading your other article now. Wow!