Happy Birthday!!

Happy Birthday, Steve! Not only do you get the honor of having a post congratulating you on your long journey around the sun for the twenty-fifth (?) time, but it's also the first post on my blog for this year! Don't you feel honored?

Here are nine new extremely useful words to expand your knowledge of the English language.

carperpetuation - the act, when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance

elbonics - the actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater or airplane

lactocartomangulation - man-handling the "open-here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to using the other side

phonesia - the affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer

aquadextrous - possessing the ability to turn on and off the water of a bathtub with your toes

disconfect - to sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow remove the germs

frust - the small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to sweep it under the rug

Peppier - the waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose is to be walking around and asking diners if they want pepper

telecrastination - the act of always letting the phone ring at least three times before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away

I hope you find many meaningful times to use these words in the years to come.